I'd like to put in a note to all those who would judge me for what I am as I dive into the dark depths of my heart and pull out these horrendous blog entries. And yes, also for those well-wishers who have already concluded that I am a person with zilch spiritual authority or insight and informed me of the same. As well as for anyone else who might alter their perceptions of me because of what I have written, what I am writing and what I will come to write. I know many have distorted ideas of what I am or what they’d like me to be. The human nature is to wishfully idealize, and of that I am as guilty as anyone.

To all of you, then, I’d like to be perfectly clear in saying that I have no interest in pretending to be anything but what in fact I am. This is my blog, and the present series of writings is coming from me as I stand behind the make-up and the costumes that I never intentionally put on. It doesn’t really make a difference to me what someone might think of it. Why? Well because it just doesn’t. It just doesn’t affect me in any real life way that would be significant. If people think I’m a sub-standard creature owing to my honesty, then all the better as I’ll get to have some of that precious peace.

If I were to write naught but polished public relations presentations, in the long term it would but bring damage both to me and the few readers who still are lurking out there. Truth be said, for truth is all that counts in the end. I cannot keep writing forever of things that tenderly foster the sweet budding creepers of devotion, shielding them from all things that might possibly shake them. It’s a real world out there, and if you want to survive, you need to face the music and come to terms with it. The strongest of trees are the ones beaten by the fiercest of storms, they say.

At least don’t close your eyes when the weather report is on.

In my mind’s eye, I vividly see the Gaudiya Math patriot standing in the yard of their headquarters. Having read my blogs, he pulls the Saraswata banner high into the flagpole, as if to kiss the sky high above in jubilant victory. His fellow men stand in line, gazing at the horizon, and sing from the bottom of their hearts, a content smile on their face... “Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light, what so proudly they hailed...” And so they return to their perilous fight, their hearts again filled with pristine vigor and confidence for their flavor of faith. Peace be for their souls. Here, let me quote from a recent comment sent by A. Well-wisher.

”If it requires for you to look at the MRP to understand if your Siksa-guru is not a siddha, you are a good piece of a blind man yourself. So, all your realisations are quite limited and relative to the degree of your conditioned state. Study Saranagati and let the Paramatma guide you and not your mind. Your authority on spiritual subjects is questionable indeed.”

I have contributed my bits and pieces to the cause of Sri Chaitanya over the years. If the services I tried to render were good for someone, may that stand to my credit in the future, and for those for whom they weren’t, may they not hold that against me. Of whom I’ve spoken badly, I have tried to apologize in realizing my folly, and if someone wants, I'll be pleased to issue further series of heartfelt apologies to recommended recipients.

I have never claimed to have unlimited or even expansive realizations. To the best of my knowledge, I have never knowingly lied of my level of understanding. I have not implied that I wouldn’t be in a conditioned state. Nor have I asked that anyone not question my authority on spiritual subjects for that matter. I have rather done my best to keep the presentations backed up by the scripture and what I’ve heard from sadhus for everyone to see and assess the information for themselves, to facilitate rather than to be the object.

I have also tried, and particularly so in more recent times, specifically to avoid stepping on the grand platform and presenting strong assessments of others. Knowing I am still short of the perfect, and realizing how little I really understand, I have also kept myself from giving bold unsolicited advice to others. There are those who feel they are eminently qualified for this, and are as if seeking opportunities for the same. May the trumpets of truth resound, they say. I hope something is left when their house of cards comes crumbling down.

As for me. Well, I’m just the little me here. I’m quite okay with that, and I hope it’s okay for you too.