The following is a touching poem by Balarama dasa, a medieval Gaudiya Vaisnava poet, found in Manohara-bhajana-dipika (p. 182).




Poems of this genre are known as the dainya-bodhika, expressions of one's own wretchedness. The expressions of one's pitiable condition are generally drawn against the canvas of the glory of that which was to be attained — in this poem, conjointly with sadhu-sanga-mahatmya.

Balarama dasa, presenting himself as a fraud, compares himself to a red Malaka-fruit that looks tasty on the surface, but when broken is full of revolting substance and only fit for discarding. The mala and the tilaka, he says, the saint's garb, is worn for the purpose of parading around, for posing for the world.

The company of the saints he missed, he eulogizes, is like the sandalwood tree: Howsoever worthless the surrounding trees and creepers might be, devoid of any fruits, flowers or beauty, the generous candana-taru donates its attractive fragrance via the wind's medium, making them equal to itself. The divine sakti of the accomplished devotee permeates the aspirant, making him radiant like a saint indeed, just as the sun's rays reflected in a mirror shed illumination that seems as bright as the sun itself.

Tears, regret and lamentation are the first step in ascending from nescience to prema. When the heart of a sadhaka is touched deep in hearing the dainya-bodhika of the mahajanas, the gates into the garden of devotion open. As long as the heart is untouched, riddled as it is with myriads of vice, the budding sadhaka's attempts to present himself as an accomplished spiritualist are little more than the poem's Malaka-fruit.

Then, have the company of saints, brothers and sisters, and become good!

While much would have merited writing, the blog has been dormant as of late for absence of time and presence of distractions (or rather, attractions!). Today, however, a note must be put in as the time has come when we're finally moving into the new house. With the help of several kind Vaisnavas who have extended themselves in lending us the missing balance required for the house, a great deal of work has been accomplished over the last two months.



— The main house of two rooms, kitchen on the left and Malati's room on the right, from two weeks back. —

While the full construction isn't complete by a stretch, and while even this first phase that merits for about half of the original plan still has a fair deal of plaster to be thrown around and surfaces to be polished, it has come to a point where we can actually move in. Provided the woodsmith gets his act together and actually gets the doors in place, that is!

Living in the assumption he will, we'll be doing Thakur's puja and ghata-sthapana (invocation of tirthas into water pots), beginning tomorrow morning at 7.30 AM, which is the hour on which the subha-muhurta for griha-pravesa falls on. I will report on that in more detail once it's over and have the appropriate photos included.



— The basement in progress, a view from two weeks back. My room will be built atop here whenever we raise the funds required. —

I have a fair collection of images on the actual construction as well, and will be organizing them in due course for everyone curious on what building a house here means in practice. In waiting for that, as with most things right now, patience is a great virtue. It'll come around in due course!

The bottom line and main point of this message is to ask for all Vaisnavas to extend their good wishes for our endeavors to settle here in Vraja for a life of bhajana. Please, all of you pray that we may be able to stay here in the company of Vaisnavas and bring our bhajana to its fulfillment. I asked Babaji Maharaja today for his best wishes for our bhajana and Vraja-vasa, requesting that as the tithi is called aksaya, undecaying, that our bhajana in the kutir we built for it would be undecaying and ever-growing as well. May this request be extended to all of you as well!

From recent correspondence, in response to a request for some old documents I wrote regarding the writings of a certain Gaudiya Matha leader.

They are no longer available for a reason. The reason is that I don't feel their availability contributes to the spiritual welfare of the Vaisnava community at large. While there are many good points and valid observations made in these two documents, what people generally do with them is not to my liking. Given that I wrote my notes while being myself in a period of transition, I feel there are also attitudes portrayed there that I would no longer endorse as beneficial.

Being preoccupied with the flaws of others is not edifying for a sadhaka. Where one perceives flaws, from there one should keep a respectful distance. What is the meaning of a respectful distance, or the meaning of respecting from a distance? It means that you should go as far as it takes for you to be able to maintain a respectful attitude. We gain nothing from fostering disrespect in our hearts, it does nothing but eat our bhajana away, mouthful by mouthful.

If you meet people who you feel might be interested in the path you pursue, rather offer them prospects of the positive fruits of the path. No-one should choose a particular path just because the other alternatives are defective or otherwise not to one's liking. Such an attitude, inherently laced with disrespect as it is, will provide no continuity for the future chosen path either – a mind inclined to delve on others' faults will find faults to its liking with no end, for it is the world of faults we're living in.

Where your heart does not feel at home, walk from there to a distance where you can feel a sense of tranquility and detachment from whatever it is that disturbed your heart, and from there offer respects from the bottom of your heart in gratitude for whatever good was received, and then move on without looking back. I can only wish I'd have had the intelligence to do this myself, years back.